I wanted to be about 10 pounds lighter for our vacation trip.
I had worked so hard (for about 18 months) to get down to my pre-pregancy weight, but even my pre-pregancy weight was not enough…if I could lose 10 pounds more, I would get closer to my goal. And of course my goal was this elusive weight marker…the thinnest I have ever been…the only time in my life when I have been able to wear single digit size pants and s/m size tops…it was for about one year of my life. But of course, since it was attained once, it has been the benchmark ever since.
But I didn’t lose the 10 pounds…and I’m pretty sure, in the stressful lead up to our vacation, I gained even more weight.
I felt defeated. Because part of the vacation routine is capturing the memories with family pictures. And I just didn’t want to look back and see my puffy face and ill fitting clothes.
Oh, hello, inner critic.
But I had this profound moment while on the Hawaii beach. After expertly dodging the camera for a while, I realized that I had no pictures on the beach with my sweet little girl. I had no pictures because I was listening to this critical voice demanding that I should not memorialize my weight loss failure.
Oh, no. That will not do.
I had limited my success to a number on a scale. But what the scale didn’t show was my radically rehabilitated emotional health, my freedom from dark depression, my victory over crippling anxiety, and my defeat over fear. And that…that needed to be captured on camera.
I needed to memorialize how far in the journey I had come.
So, I pulled my daughter in close and we said, “cheese.”
I don’t know where you are with the scale, but I just want to encourage you to not let that be the only thing you look at. There is more to who you are and more progress on your journey than those numbers.
I would love for you to join my email list so that we can stay in touch!
Beverly ShafferSeptember 30, 2018 at 11:51 am
How do I join your e-mail list? You are so beautiful, Mariesha, that it is difficult to comprehend that you struggle with self-image issues. But then, I am too thin and I struggle with that. We are so much more than the body we are temporarily clothed in! Glad you overcame and the pictures and the memories will always be treasured.
MarieshaOctober 1, 2018 at 7:19 pm
Thank you for your kind words…and yes, we are so much more than the body we are temporarily clothed in!!! The email list sign up is just to the right in the sidebar —>
Paul8ne GriceSeptember 30, 2018 at 12:13 pm
Thanks for being so brave and sharing your journey. What a wonderful woman, wife and mother you are. I’m blessed to count you as a friend. Just know my life has been enriched by knowing you ( tomorrow morning when you wake up). Sorry folks that’s a personal joke 😂❤️
MarieshaOctober 1, 2018 at 7:15 pm
Its the best joke ever!!! I am blessed to have you in my life!
JohannaSeptember 30, 2018 at 1:34 pm
This resonated with me on so many levels! My lowest adult weight was on my 40th bday and I keep thinking if I can get to that “magic” number; life would be “better”. But I’m learning to embrace my life now and so many amazing things; leaving a job where I was miserable and finding joy working with preschoolers, getting my finances in order, marrying the most wonderful man, and embracing my curves. Thank you for your honesty in your writing and letting us see into your struggles and triumphs.
MarieshaOctober 1, 2018 at 7:15 pm
Those are victories and milestones to celebrate!! I’m so happy that it resonated with you…that is so encouraging for me to hear!
Jeannie ReyesOctober 1, 2018 at 8:16 am
Oh sweet Mariesha, you have grown into such a beautiful woman. Both inside and out! This is an amazing post! Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I live and miss you sweetheart
MarieshaOctober 1, 2018 at 7:12 pm
Thank you for your kind words! Love and miss you too!